Mozzarella Balloon Wars (2010)
Intergalactic Movie DataVerse
A Jedi knight-in-training is faced with the task of creating perfect mozzarella balloons. If she succeeds, she
Directors: Linda Miller Nicholson, Jonna Bell, & Jamie Fish
Writer: Linda Miller Nicholson
1 win & 2 nominations See more awards »
|Cast overview, first billed only:|
Padawan Salty Seattle
Darth Salty Seattle
Bentley Danger Nicholson
Padawan Salty Seattle journeys through the galaxy to Dagobah in order to get Master Yoda’s seal of approval on the mozzarella balloons she makes for him. Along the way she fights an internal battle with her alter-ego Darth Salty Seattle. It remains to be seen who will emerge victorious.
Plot Keywords: Mozzarella | Balloons | Cooking | Molecular | Gastronomy | Jedi
Taglines: Where “Return of the Jedi” left off… “Mozzarella Balloon Wars” begins.
Parents Guide: View content advisory » This content suitable for all audiences as long as they are awesome.
Language: English | Jedi
Also Known As: La Guerra de los Globos de la Mozarela
Filming Locations: The Galaxy Kitchen of The Millennium Falcon
Gross: $3 (USA) (they payed me to turn it off after 40 hours of editing plays and replays)
Runtime: 5 min
- The mask that Darth Salty Seattle wears is the same one Michael C. Hall wears in the hit tv show “Dexter.”
- A significant amount of mozzarella cheese curd was harmed (via explosion) during the making of this film. People for the Ethical Treatment of Cheese (PETC) caught wind of it and representatives now picket the Salty Seattle Studios costumed in giant wheels of brie.
- 12 bottles of champagne were consumed during the making of “Mozzarella Balloon Wars.”
- Giorgio Armani designed Darth Salty Seattle’s gown.
Padawan Salty Seattle: When the Empire gets a hold of Nitrous Oxide, well, let’s just say you don’t want to hear what happens to Darth Vader’s voice.
Main Theme from Star Wars –as interpreted by kazoo, et al
The Imperial March –also kazoo-ified
Montage –remember the montage from Team America? Well, this clearly isn’t it.
The character drama is gripping, and I’m convinced I could make those perfectly bulbous balloons after watching this tutorial
05 November 2010 | by Blarney Peckingsworth (Worcester, MA)
Aside from the fact that the lead actress is played by a total two-bit hack (I mean, she couldn’t even get past the first 50 on MasterChef, and if you watched the rest of the show, you’d surely know how easy that would be) I was moreover impressed with this classic transformative tale.
The cinematography is brilliant- the way they captured the true essence of the Millenium Falcon Galaxy Kitchen is something no Star Wars has done before, but surely we will see cooking segments in ALL Star Wars films to come. This is like Julia Childs meets Han Solo in a way that makes me want to make a taser to shoot rays of butter on my sous vide potatoes, if you know what I mean, and I know you do because that makes a TON of sense.
I am sure with a budget as large as the production crew had (I heard it was approaching ONE BILLION DOLLARS!) it wasn’t hard to achieve some of the mind-blowing effects present in this short masterpiece, but nevertheless, I was wowed. The siphon gun alone must’ve taken engineers countless years to perfect- it truly is a thing of beauty.
And seriously, to make that dorky woman look even halfway decent on film, they must’ve employed a team of botox specialists, acting coaches, and stunt doubles. I will say she has turned in her best performance to date. She is nearly on par with Christopher Walken in one of his worst roles, and that is the best she could ever hope for. (I only say that because I know he is her favorite actor and I figured I’d throw the trainwreck a bone so she doesn’t go crawling to one of those rehab spas citing “exhaustion,” ya know?)
The montage scene, which is an homage to Team America: World Police, is genius cinema at its finest. It captures the highs and lows of cooking, internal strife, and the climactic moment of choosing good over evil in a way that is relatable to all viewers.
One final note- that Bentley Danger character who plays Master Yoda is seriously ONE TO WATCH. I hear there are rumblings of a best supporting actor nomination for this role, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he takes it. Mark my words, that boy is GOING PLACES.