Peeps for My Peeps

posted in: Cooking, Experience, Seattle-ing, Sweet | 48

I have never had much use for Peeps. They are spongy, saccharine and come in colors that never seem to match my outfit. Food that matches my outfit is always a bonus, so I decided to make an outfit out of Peeps in order to get that pastel shade of banana slug yellow just right. In fact, Peeps resemble the banana slug in more than just color. For example, when you squash one, it tends toward the gooey. Both “foods” are considered acceptable to feast upon by the cultures that eat them, yet I am not a member of either of those cultures. Finally, both are very attractive to the toddler set.

Because of the strong parallels between Peeps and banana slugs, I briefly considered fashioning a bikini top out of Peeps and a bottom out of slugs. I even captured a slug to try. I did not bargain on my bleeding heart oozing forth with compassion for the gastropod when I felt his whole body stiffen at the sight of the impending hot glue gun, but ooze it did and so I spared the slug. Instead, I inflicted the torture upon myself. Have you ever taken a hot glue gun to the crotch? I am ok with killing animals for food, and I am a big fan of using the whole thing, offal and all, but, I reasoned with myself, banana slug would not taste good with hot glue smeared down his back.

Yes, I know I killed the Peeps. I forever relegated them to while away eternity in a garment bag mausoleum in my attic, irrevocably-affixed to a threadbare set of Victoria’s Secret bra and panties. I also have no plans to use the whole “animal.” In fact, the Peeps died a tortured death, first branded and blistered by the viscous glue, then smothered by wet grass and my ass during the final Swan Song that was their photographic documentation and video debut.  Peeps PETA, I willingly accept any sugar bunny guts you want to throw at me- MARSHMALLOW IS MURDER.

I did, however, carefully entomb them in the garment bag. One day in the distant future, when my soul is long gone but my embalmed body perches on the mantel of my progeny’s progeny so they can dress me up in chartreuse confections of the era complete with a pair of Louboutins for every day of the month, the world will recognize me for the foodie performance artist that I am. They will find the Peeps bikini in someone’s off-planet storage unit, link it to the mad foodista Salty Seattle, and hunt down my progeny to find out more about the woman behind the Peeps and prosciutto.

I am sure of this because Peeps are so clearly laden with immortalizing preservatives; I know the bikini will survive. And I know I will survive- albeit in a mothballed, embalmed state- because I am already impressing-upon my two-year-old the importance of becoming an architect for the sole purpose of keeping the “mantel” alive so that he can build himself one on which to place my delicate, lacquered body.

When the future curators of the past discover the bikini, they will wish to reunite it with its creator. What they will not bargain on, however, is the note they will find carefully-pinned to the back of a single Peep. The note will express my perpetual, unwavering desire to auction off the bikini to the highest bidder, the craziest zillionaire to covet such a strange relic from the past. It will further stipulate that 100% of the proceeds from the sale are to be donated to a charity committed to preserving the art and science of slow, artfully and lovingly-prepared, natural, non-Peepsesque food. You like how I did that? Used Peeps to get the message to the future that Peeps, in fact, suck? I even really drove it home for them by hinting that Peeps are of little value besides adorning ancient bodies and conveying messages from the past.

This, my friends, is my artist statement. This is why I did what I did. I was lucky enough to have the brilliant photographer Jackie Baisa document it. Of course I am not solely fixated upon solving the problems of the future. We also have a problem to solve right now, and that is restructuring Japan after the devastating earthquake and subsequent tsunami that sadly struck the nation. In order to help, I created a project called The Nudie Foodies. If you haven’t heard about it, please go and have a look. There is a little surprise waiting for you there.

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48 Responses

  1. What a sweet and special idea for an sexy outfit. My boyfriend will love it. :D

  2. You’re so freakin’ hysterical. I see Playboy calling… they’re gonna want you on the cover of their Easter issue next year! The whole bunny thing would work very well, don’t you think?

  3. the play on peep show crossed my mind – as I see it did others – you are too awesome!! I do not eat peeps, waaaay too much sugar and nastiness for me to swallow

  4. Damn girl, you’re pretty awesome.

  5. ranger99

    You probably could have made a fortune auctioning off those used peeps – it would have been great for charity!!

  6. I love your creativity!

  7. This is brilliant, in every sense of the word! I love it.

  8. I am rolling over here! Too funny and utterly brilliant at the same time! Love it!

  9. This could be the best post of the year on Photograzing.HA!

  10. Oh, Linda. I love you. You are just an endless fountain of amazing things. This is brilliant.

  11. Patrick

    Can you say DAMMMMMMMMMMM…. wow, I think that I could begin to like peeps, lmao..

  12. You are totally f***ing bonkers. That’s probably why I like you.

  13. The ultimate PEEP show! GREG

  14. lolx8396489046507945

  15. ranger99

    You are the HOLY GRAIL of females! We are not worthy, and I promise not to let my eyes linger too long upon your presence.

  16. Your photos look terrific! It’s really cool.

  17. Pure. Genius.

  18. hot. crazy. sexy. hilarious. you are brilliant!
    -Leila

  19. YOU ARE FABULOUS! I think you know that. Now you know that I know it, too. Hilarious and fun, thank you!

  20. brandi

    this is the coolest thing ever! nice job with the creativity

  21. mntonka

    Holy christ I’d eat it all.

  22. This is straight amazing!

  23. Girl you are crazy — I love it!!!

  24. Carlos

    Glad I joined your blog!
    WOW!

  25. Brilliant and beautiful writing! Every time I see a peep I think back to the time I was exiled in a rainforest in Madagascar and received a care package from a friend. After eating nothing but rice and greens three meals a day for months on end, I couldn’t wait to see what was inside. I ripped the box open and saw — nothing but hundreds of peeps! I cursed my dear friend and offered the yellow birds to the starving children who surrounded me. They all clamored to eat them, bit into them with savage glee, then in a chorus all spit them out — dozens of spit-soaked peeps flew threw the air and the sweet little children accused me of trying to kill them! Had I only thought to glue them into a fashion statement, I’d have been spared their devilish stoning by peeps!

  26. Hilarious! Fabulous job on the peepkini, although it will have to be one of those bathing suits that you look good in and don’t swim in. I imagine peeps don’t fair well in the ocean.

    Linda Reply:

    @Vicki @ Wilde in the Kitchen, perhaps i should give it a true swan song out in the ocean blue? you’re lending ideas… ;)

  27. Oh my…one of the few times when I wished I’d actually enjoyed eating Peeps instead of trashing them. :-D

    Great pics. Great cause!

  28. Props for the peeps…or peep show. Only you. Gorgeous photos.

  29. hahahahahaha! This is FANTASTIC!

  30. Fun,creative,sexy, well written and this bikini is forever burned in my PEEPS Brain. Amazing!

  31. Wow! I’ve never cared for peeps before but all of the sudden I have a craving. Nicely done!

  32. Careful — you could set Peeps on fire with your hotness.

  33. SO so fun! Hilarious – and I love it!

  34. Hehehe – you are one crazy cat!

  35. nice Linda! you’re beautiful.

  36. Idmama

    Linda~ You are so cool! I love it! Better stay away from my kids…. they’d eat you up!

  37. Oh my, hahaha…that is awesome! I have never seen Peeps displayed in such fashion… brilliant!

  38. Girl you are braver than me… lol! I have to give you “peeps” for this though, it’s extremely creative!!

  39. Well, I do love me some Peeps…but I like to eat mine. I think you could get a couple guys to start to like them as well with your approach though!

  40. This is the best use of peeps ever! They certainly aren’t good for eating. I bet they’d make a comfy mattress.

  41. Too funny…you are one gutsy gal!

  42. DAMN! I think that about sums it up.

  43. You have left me without a peep! Speechless. I have done sugar and honey waxing… ouch..but the peep thing? Amazing.

  44. So, around 6:00pm last night, i’d never even heard of Peeps. I’d seen them, but didn’t know their names, nor had I even tried one. Since then, they’ve been everywhere I’ve turned, but I can honestly say, I haven’t seen them like this :P
    As always, entertaining, thoughtful and what I’ve come to expect from a fellow Nudie Foodie!

  45. YOU GO GIRL! Peeps have never looked so good. ::wink wink::

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