Tuna Mac: Doritos Macaroni Noodles with Two Cheeses & Shreds of Yellowfin

posted in: Cooking, Savory | 25
Doritos Macaroni

Contrary to popular belief, I follow doctor’s orders. It’s just that no doctors ever tell me not to josh and jostle with drag queens on Halloween, or not to do flying leaps off skeeball lanes in skyscraper stilettos. But if I happen to do those things and then after the fact a doctor tells me how to ensure that they don’t happen again, I listen good. My ever so well-meaning orthopedic surgeon informed me that I have long, slender bones. In the spider world I would be more daddy longlegs, less brown recluse.

My bones are spindly, so they are more prone to breakage. I’m like one of those really dry wishbones from a big ol’ turkey that has been baking in the kitchen window for weeks- you can’t help but snap me on the first try. Over the years I’ve fallen prey to a boy on rollerskates and an appaloosa with a mean streak (my wrist, both) as well as a giant overhang while rock-climbing (my spine). And now, twice in one month the dancefloor dropdown and the skeeball stiletto swan dive took out my wrist and foot. Yoda only knows what fate has in store for my hip.

How to cook with a broken foot, photo by Greg of SippitySup.com

What with all that crumpling and cracking, my doctor has instructed me to double up on my calcium regime. He also told me to strength train, which sounds like a fate worse than sitting under Jessica Simpson’s ass when she farts, so if you have any good tips on how to make that fun, let me know. But the good thing is that because I followed doctor’s orders and made a calcium-laden dish just before my foot surgery, I get to share it with you. And it is the business. That’s because it has Doritos in it.

I don’t care who you are, if I put you in a locked room with an opened bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, your willpower wouldn’t last an hour. If I have them within a mile of my house my internal homing device triggers and I sniff around like a Pointer in search of a duck until I find them. Cool Ranch Doritos are the one throwback from childhood that really still are as good as they were back in the day, unlike Butterfingers or school lunch Sloppy Joe’s. So malign me all you want for being lowbrow and trashy, but I dare you to take my locked room open bag test, I guarantee you’ll fail in a really delicious way.

You know the concept of high-low? In fashion it’s important not to, say, go out of the house decked head-to-toe in Dolce and Gabbana. You’ll look like the worst kind of tragic trend whore. Instead, you wear one signature bling piece that you pair with something casual, then perhaps accessorize with an edgy pair of heels and voila! You’ve avoided the What Not to Wear style section for another day. High-low works very well in the kitchen- just look at all the gaga over David Chang’s Momofuku googoo. In this mac and cheese the Doritos add the trash, but the fact that they’re extruded into macaroni noodles maintains the class. Glistening chunks of yellowfin tuna don’t hurt either.

To add extra oomph, when I extruded the macaroni noodles I added pulverized Doritos to the semolina, so the noodles themselves are actually Doritos macaroni. If you don’t have a pasta extruder, you can certainly omit this step and just use the Doritos crumble. The flavor will still be there. Because no tuna mac would be complete without the tuna part, I also chose to toss some Doritos-encrusted seared yellowfin into the casserole. It would up cooking through as opposed to remaining rare on the inside since I actually baked the tuna with the dish, but if you wanted it rare you could just lay slabs of tuna on at the end. Without further ado I’ll present the recipe that will make an honest woman out of you, if you aren’t already. This is the way to a man’s heart, pocketbook and sex organ, depending on whether you’re Carrie, Charlotte or Samantha.

Fancy Tuna Mac: Doritos and Yellowfin class it up and trash it up

Serves 6-8

For the noodles:

  • 150 grams Doritos, finely ground in spice grinder
  • 300 grams Semolina flour
  • 150 milliliters Water

Combine these ingredients and extrude into macaroni noodles according to your pasta extruder instructions.

For the casserole:

  • 3 tablespoons butter
  • 3 tablespoons flour
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ½ teaspoon paprika
  • 8 ounces white cheddar, shredded
  • 8 ounces muenster, shredded
  • 2 egg yolks
  • Cooking spray
  • 1 lb yellowfin tuna
  • 2 cups crushed Doritos, in a ziplock bag
  • 1 recipe noodles from above, or one pound dried macaroni noodles

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Melt the butter in a medium saucepan. Stir in the flour until no lumps remain. Whisk in the milk and cream. When the mixture thickens slightly, add the garlic powder, paprika and cheeses, stirring constantly. When the cheese melts and the mixture becomes a smooth sauce, remove from heat. Whisk a little of the sauce into the egg yolks, then add the egg yolks back into the sauce. Stir to combine.

Set a medium skillet over medium heat and spray with cooking spray. Toss the yellowfin tuna in the bag of crushed Doritos until coated on all sides. Sear the tuna on all sides. When it cools, chop it into chunks.

Place the noodles in a 10×10 casserole dish. Ladle the sauce over the noodles and mix in the tuna chunks. Top with the remaining Doritos crumbs. Bake covered for 15 minutes and uncovered for 15 minutes in a 400°F oven.

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25 Responses

  1. Thanks for sharing your website.This blogs are very informative. I really say thanks to you.

  2. I really loved reading your blog. It was very well authored and easy to understand. I also found your posts very interesting. In fact after reading, I had to go show it to my friend and he enjoyed it as well!

  3. I hope you do not stop writing these great articles!

  4. I might have peed my pants a little at the thought of Doritos pasta.

    And I’m not embarrassed by it either. This is a GREAT idea.

  5. What a tasty sounding casserole!

  6. Wow. This looks scrumptious!! I am most definitely trying this one soon.

  7. Haha awesome. I’ve been interested in getting that extruder for a while now. Glad to hear your positive review. So what have you tried to extrude that has failed or didn’t work?

    Linda Reply:

    @Brandon @ Kitchen Konfidence, I don’t love using egg-based dough in the extruder. I prefer semolina and water, the same as The Man Thomas Keller recommends. Others use egg doughs with success, but I’ve always known extruded pasta in Italy to be semolina+water versus rolled doughs, which are egg-based. You really should get it- worth every penny!

  8. This is one the trashiest and yet most beautiful things I’ve ever seen you post, Linda. Bravo, my darling.

    x

  9. Oh feel better! Great recipe too. At least your styling!

  10. No comment on the Doritos (some things must be kept private in order to reatain my wildly sophisticated online image). But I will say nice bra! GREG

  11. noticed your passing reference to a pasta extruder and was wondering if you can recommend a good kitchen model that doesn’t cost the whole farm?

    Linda Reply:

    @juliene, I have the kitchenaid and it definitely didn’t cost the farm, just the hobby ranch (not really, only around $100, if I recall correctly). It’s lasted me over a year without issue, and tho there are many things I cannot extrude, it has served me well at 1x per week use. Hope that helps!

    Linda Reply:

    @juliene, I have the Kitchenaid extruder attachment and find it works for weekly use with a decent array of shapes, but I will say I’m coveting a standalone model for the increased versatility.

  12. Dinner. Done.

  13. Been busy & it’s been a while since I read your blog. Still got the humor and the tastiest recipes around. This one actually sounds easy. Going to give it a try.

  14. Not sure what I am MOST impressed with:
    You making noodles out of Doritos
    Making something out of Doritios that I acctually want to eat. A Lot.
    Getting a iPhone picture accepted to Poop—Err Tastespotting
    Your ability to cook safety in a bra

    It’s a draw.

  15. I love the crossover of high low from fashion to food. And it’s true, why else would people go crazy over mini burgers, poutine and mac and cheese and fine dining restaurants? They’re the best of high low. Lately my kitchen and dress code could use a little more high!

  16. About the weights: see if your club or gym offers pool aerobics. I got turned onto it by a friend who was recovering from knee surgery and it’s kind of awesome. Ridiculously low-impact, because there’s a lot of resistance in the water it counts as load bearing and/or strength building. And if you hate to sweat you won’t realize how hard you’re working unless you hop out in the middle for a drink of water. Not every club has a pool, obviously, but if bad comes to worse most city pools offer it. Go for the shallow-end version over deep water — you get way more core/belly/back exercise that way.

    As for the recipe, that’s kind of awesome too. I’m suddenly on the prowl for a pasta extruder.

    BTW, one of these days I want to figure out my own Dorito-esque mix for homemade corn chips. You can get pretty decent dried/powdered cheese at some of the better markets around town (in the bulk section at Central Market, for instance) and I have a theory that finding a way to slightly brown the cheese mix after it was on the chips would be, again, pretty awesome.

    Good luck with your foot, Linda. Not everyone can rock one black sock but it goes nicely with the rest of your ensemble.

    figleaf

  17. Mmmmm yes…I love this. now you’ve got me wondering about doing this with crumbled spicy pappadums..which can sometimes be the Indian version of Doritos. What is that on the not boot foot? I’m supposed to do strength training too..the deadly weights

  18. Linda, I’m not certain which is more alluring, the recipe or the read. Either way, the dish is a winner and you’re a terrific writer. Heal well and Happy Holidays!

  19. Oh, my…you are following in my old age footsteps with all these injuries! We need to get you some fasionless flat shoes and sit you down at a wine bar to avoid further mishaps! ;-) Love your wild take on mac and cheese. Happy Holidays and for gosh sakes, stay safe!!

  20. @Janis, The nacho cheese flavor? I almost got that but Cool Ranch won out by a small margin. It would certainly work!

  21. Would taco flavor work? I still jones for taco flavor Doritos. You are such a funny Boo boo.

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