Food Porn: A Thanksgiving Public Service Announcement

posted in: Cooking, Savory | 27

Life has been triple-teaming me lately (that’s not some thinly-veiled menage a trois reference, you perv), and as such, about the only social media I can manage is quick pic updates on my Instagram feed. Building a house is no picnic, but doing it in November with no heat, well let’s just say I will REALLY appreciate that kitchen! those floors! and that fire-retaining pizza oven! once it’s all over- in like 50 years.

I have been thinking of you fondly, however, especially during this time when we, as Americans, give thanks. This year I am mostly thankful that we won’t have a sociopath who wears magic underwear squatting in the White House for the next four years, and that Washington became a landmark state in ushering forth marriage equality. But I’m also thankful that I still have my old kitchen to play in occasionally while we slowly build the new kitchen and new house.

I know that many of you are planning to go elbows deep in turkey next week, and there are umpteen tutorials available online denoting just how you should handle your Tom, so I wanted to give you a lesson of a different sort. Some of you may remember this as an elementary school chant that you would perform with your index and middle fingers, but I find that driving it home with quail about to take a sous vide bath leaves more of a lasting impact. Here goes.

GOOD girls sit like this:

SOME girls sit like this:

But the girls who sit like THIS:

Get THIS like THAT:

Just to sum it all up for you:

So be careful in your short skirts at all of those nefarious Thanksgiving parties I know you plan to attend. You don’t want to end up with a cornichon in your coochee.

In case you were wondering, those quail went on to become part of this dish:

Tea-stained quail on sunchoke-buttermilk creme along with sweet potato gnocchi in chanterelle-balsamic sauce.

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27 Responses

  1. It really is the information and fun photos with us on Thanksgiving Day. It really is what the most fun.

  2. This is incredibly good

  3. It’s hard to be a students. But, students’ life ought to contain moments of fun also. A lot of people don’t know a correct wa to get a symmetry between a study process and fun. Nonetheless, you should easily get it when tell one: ” write my paper for money.

  4. Keep up and dont stop!!!

  5. It’s been a long time. Happy to see you are stubbornly doing what you love and are good at. I love the way you capture and elevate the sensual aspect of food. I loved the chicken feet recipe. I like the crunchiness but people usually put off just by the name and image. I have no prejudice about food. :) Good work!

  6. Written simply and tastefully. It’s pleasant to read. Thank u.

  7. thanks for sharing your wisdom with this newbie it is much appreciated!

  8. this will help me to complete my task

  9. So sad I missed this! Those naughty quails, too funny. We skipped thanksgiving in 2012. To honor my baby bro…anyway that meal looks great I always lobe to read your blog. I made sweet potato gnocchi once before but it had a doughy taste to it. I need to practice. I finally perfected pasta. my husband bought Thomas Keller’s book after I mentioned him and your blog in summer 2010 and my pasta has been beyond amazing since. I gotta read your gnocchi posts so I can make some soon. I hope your home is coming along I can not wait read more about the progress. All the best to you and your family. Keep inspiring :-)

  10. Thanks for awe-inspiring post; you have a bundle of good info in this post which really helps out people in great way. And they will come for your more posts.

  11. You made me laugh! Thanks :)

  12. And this post just proves you probably host a pretty rockin’ Thanksgiving soiree! Have you already posted about your sweet potato gnocchi? Must. Search. Now.

  13. HA!!! This made me laugh. You really should label this post NSFW ;)

  14. Oh they look just like the girls in elementary school who used to recite that poem ad infinitum on the playground! Of course, this explains why I … um, prefer other things. While I have never seen a selection of produce in a sex shot I have availed myself of some lovely meat offerings.

  15. Thank you. You make my day.

  16. hahaha, thank goodness my son wasn’t peering over my shoulder on this post! ;-) excellent from a fellow Washingtonian!! I am from Federal Way (by way of Whidbey Island at birth) but live in NY….

  17. Oh my – you are one crazy chick!! Haha, I love it!

  18. Wherever did you find the double-headed cornichons? I am now headed to Good Vibrations to suggest they install a produce section.

    Linda Reply:

    @Michael Procopio, What? Sex shops in SF don’t have produce? I always knew Seattle was way more locavore to the core, yo.

  19. Only you.

    Of course that’s why I show up here in the first place knowing that will be true.

  20. The idea behind this article is excellent, and for me the first item is the real gem here: most of the people spend their entire lives only consuming what is created by others, and creating nothing themselves–or never sharing what they create, which is better than not creating at all, though not the best they could do.

  21. I love the title on that last pic “quail sex ed collage” – genius. Will this be rolled out in all the schools?

    Linda Reply:

    @Becs @ Lay the table, Well now that marriage equality is here, I’m not sure, because you know they will only teach gay unions in schools, so this would no longer apply.

    anne Reply:

    @Linda,
    Now I am imagining quail having gay sex.

  22. That was the best lesson I’ve had in ages. :) I like cornichons, but not in my coochee. I can’t wait to see your new kitchen! We are 10 stories deep in remodel right now too and I’m hosting thanksgiving. Yay me. I’m currently looking for someone to sell me some speed so I can get it all done (not really). Although that is a decent idea. Anyway, good luck with the house…I have no doubts it will be BLOW YOUR SKIRT UP amazing when it’s all done.

    Heather

    Linda Reply:

    @Heather | Farmgirl Gourmet, Hosting TG to boot? Yeah, you need the speed, sister.

  23. I consider myself warned. Now, I must push my eyeballs back into my sockets.

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