For the next three (six, nine, twelve?) months on Salty Seattle, you may be seeing less of this:

And this:

And this:

And instead be seeing way more of this:

Because after putting an offer on this five months ago:

We finally got word of a closing date, and it’s Thursday. As in two days from today. I have been reticent to share because at many points throughout the process of attempting to purchase this short sale property, not even Obe Wan Kenobi could provide any hope that we would get it. Read more

It’s been so long since I’ve shared something quintessentially Salty Seattle on this blog, that I figured- it’s time. I mean, what’s a girl like me doing blathering on about biscuits and giveaways when what you really want me to talk about is food sorcery, right? Don’t worry, I still get up to my artful antics several times a week, it’s just that with the advent of instagram, I find it so much easier to post pictures of the more adventurous creations there because I’m lazy. With instagram all I have to come up with is a brief synopsis of what I made, along with an overexposed, triple-filtered image.

Here, you people like recipes. And step-by-step photographic documentation. And stories about how I somehow managed to set my hair on fire while peering into a pot of gently simmering sweet corn gnocchi. Remember that show, Making of the Video? It ran from 1999-2009. Even then, our attention spans were longer. We wanted the behind-the-scenes. Now we want the finished product, spit-polished and available for download on iTunes, as long as it’s not more than three minutes long. Verbose blogs are rapidly going the way of Making of the Video only to be replaced by quick and dirty sites like instagram (which I love) and pinterest (which I loathe). And I’m adapting. But every once in a while, something comes along that needs ink, and my dinner last night qualifies as one of those somethings.

Here in Washington State, it’s spot prawn season. Spot prawns are jumpy, sweet little crustaceans with gooey central nervous systems that taste like mermaid menses (yes, that’s a complement) and bodies that curl like a kitten in the crook of an elbow. They are simultaneously adorable, hideous and delicious. There are two ways to eff up live spot prawns- one is to overcook them and the other is not to cook them soon enough. If you don’t cook the prawns while they’re still alive, they will taste off and will very likely make you ill. If you overcook them, you might as well not bother and go buy yourself a bag of frozen shrimp like the Costco cog that you are. Read more

*disclaimer: Revelation S. Public Relations graciously donated my soul© for the purposes of this blog post. They did not force me to write anything nice about it (except for in the contract that they made me sign in my own blood) and they did not compensate me for making any of the below claims (they did buy me a Mercedes, but it was totally unrelated). All of my opinions are my own, even though I discovered that I was a sheep in a past life during a recent session with my psychic friend, who is a mescaline addict, but she really is clairvoyant so I overlook it.

I have been in heated discussions with the PR firm that represents The Devil and hell for quite some time, and I am pleased to announce the fact that they’ve finally agreed to this most epic of all giveaways! That’s right, folks, Revelation S. PR and I are proud to offer my soul© to you in this literal once-in-a-lifetime opportunity*^{see below}.

Unlike those Kitchenaid mixer and fad diet cookbook giveaways you perpetually enter and never win, this giveaway of my soul© is open to residents not just in the US, not just in English-speaking countries, but THE WHOLE WORLD, THE GALAXY, THE UNIVERSE**^{see below}.

But first, as with any good product review, let me tell you a little about my soul©, including what makes it so special, and why you need it in your kitchen. Whenever I’m feeling lackluster because I’ve got fondant coming out of every orifice and my cupcakes still aren’t as pretty as Victoria Beckham’s breasts, I reach for my soul©- the handiest cooking tool in my arsenal. My soul© is like the Swiss Army Knife of kitchen gadgets. One minute it helps me frost cakepops like an apron-clad mofo, and the next, I call upon it to provide the secret magic in a batch of yummy brownies- well that and the hash tar I toss in. Read more