The renovation saga continues this week with even more toe-curling excitement. Remember this tree that was in the living room?

You may recall that we discovered it was totally rotted through and resembled the texture of balsa wood. That’s not exactly the kind of column you want supporting a roof, especially when that roof is meant to be planted. So the big order of business this week was to take down the tree, and let me tell you, we totally got our white trash on in the process. Anyone would really, because it’s just not possible to remain classy when you’re operating a chainsaw inside a living room.

Somewhere between ripping up the living room floor so we could expose the crawl space below and actually hacking up the tree, I realized our house in its current state would make the very best setting for a horror film imaginable. There are woods, a marsh, all manner of ominous torture devices such as sledgehammers and crowbars, and now, a gaping hole in the floor that would be perfect for a bodice-slashed heroine to plunge screamingly down only to impale herself on one of the many sharp protrusions poking up from the foundation. A few rats could scurry out from beneath her lifeless corpse as the sound of a chainsaw faded off into the distance… it would be an instant classic. Read more

This week’s installment of the great renovation saga of 2012 (and 13, and 14…) focuses on the Magic 8-Ball that is Craigslist. First, I’d like to point out that Craigslist is a dot org. This should have been a red flag to me, but if I had an inkling, I ignored it. Dot orgs are the wackiest of all websites. Don’t believe me? Here are some examples:

Ghosts.org, which is headlined, Obiwan’s UFO-Free Paranormal Page

Termlifeinsurance.org, which at first doesn’t seem odd, until you click into it and realize it’s actually a page devoted to the World’s Strongest and Strangest Beers, not to life insurance, as the URL would suggest.

And finally there is:

AirCrap.org, which purportedly “Monitors the Planned Poisoning of Humanity”

I rest my case.

Making Pizza: the only thing that kept me sane this week

But what does this have to do with a house remodel? Well, kids, if you ever find yourself on the business end of a demolition project, chances are you will turn to Craigslist to both sell things you wish to demolish and to enlist the services of people who can help haul things away. Sometimes the people who answer you ads are sane. Most of the time, however, they are not. *Especially* if you are utilizing the special section of Craigslist marked “free stuff.” The second you attempt to give something away for free, you become a rare earth magnet designed solely to attract the nutjobs of the world. Read more

Some cliches are cliché for a reason, and peeling back an onion is no exception. The metaphor applies to remodeling a house so aptly, my eyes are watering just thinking about it. If you’ve been following the renovation saga, you already know that this tree exists in the living room:

Well, not for long. As it happens, last week was punctuated by the discovery of dry rot all throughout the improperly-dried trunk, which, if left untreated, could lead to our roof collapsing onto our living room. That is not a problem we wish to deal with post-remodel. In fact, the biggest choice I want to have to make after this house is sealed up and I can pad quietly down to the kitchen in stocking feet, enjoying the radiant heat emanating from the floors, is which bottle of wine to open from the glass-encased cellar. Read more