You are in the doghouse. You need a way to dig yourself out, but no amount of jewelry, flowers or chocolates seems to be working this time. Here’s your solution- trust me, your lover will eternally remember this Valentine’s Day gift as the best s/he’s ever gotten:

Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Now imagine that boat is a large-scale sailing vessel and that river is actually a meandering sea, swollen with the heat of the equatorial sun. It’s nearly February. You’ve been shivering in your rubber boots and smelly wool jacket for months. Nothing on earth sounds better than to loll in the sun like a gecko whilst sailing the high seas. But wait, there’s more! When I think of what’s missing every time I venture to a tropical paradise, my mind inevitably winds toward wine.

If, like me, you wither at the thought of someone prying away your bottle of Bordeaux *even* when sunshine and high temps are at stake, THIS IS THE ADVENTURE FOR YOU. You see, Delille Cellars and Chappellet Wineries have paired with Fine Food and Wine Cruises to package the exclusive vacation of your dreams from February 6-13^th in the Caribbean.

In addition to roving the beaches of Barbados and tanning top-deck while cruising through the Iles des Saints, celebrity chef Jason Wilson of Crush in Seattle will expertly pair his award-winning cuisine with the fine wines of Delille and Chappellet.

Chef Jason Wilson remains true to his ideals: preparing the finest local, organic ingredients in a manner befitting the title Modern Northwest Cuisine. A graduate of the esteemed California Culinary Academy, Chef Jason Wilson assisted in kitchens as far afield as France, California and Singapore. Chef Jason received a James Beard Award in 2010 as Best Chef in the Northwest.

Delille has been at the top of my Washington wine list since my first sip of D2; I am extremely fond of winemaker Chris Upchurch’s “red-thumb” when it comes to creating the finest Bordeaux-style blends this side of the Seine. While Napa’s Chappellet is new to me, I am looking forward to the discovery as their wine is wine-lovers wine; they are most famous for their big, meaty Cabernets.  Both wineries boast a decades-long list of reserve-level accolades and the rare opportunity to taste so much fine wine under one “roof” rarely presents itself.

Chris Upchurch, winemaker for Delille

It’s a genius concept if you think about it- how many times do you oscillate between choosing a food vacation or a tropical one? More often than not the fierce tug of wine and food (and shopping!) in Italy wins, and I realize in the last few years I haven’t seen nearly enough sun. This handy dandy sailing adventure nips that little problem right in the dewy bud, now doesn’t it? We will be visiting St. Barts, St. Martins, St. Kitts and Mayreau in addition to the previously-mentioned locations, all the while with wine in hand and warmth in heart.

Think of the ship itself like a large yacht- it’s not like a traditional cruise as the vessel is much smaller, more intimate, and designed with every luxury in mind. I can think of no better way to spend the early, dreary days of February, and I’d love it if you would consider hopping on board with me. What a party we’ll have! If you simply cannot get away in early February yet you want to see how it goes in anticipation of embarking on the next voyage, bookmark this space, as I’ll be blogging about the adventure. For Bookings, click HERE.

*full disclosure- Jonathan and Lori Baltuch, the lovely owners of Fine Food and Wine Cruises, are providing me with this experience in exchange for enthusiastically sharing it with the world. If you’ve visited Salty Seattle before, you know I’m nothing if not blunt, so you’ll be getting the real deal and not a bunch of blah blah blah yes-manning. That being said, is there any possibility this could not be the height of rapturous delight? Yeah, I didn’t think so, so come on board, baby!

French purists and Julie and Julia-philes, avert your eyes! Did you know that you could bourguignon things besides beef? Did you also know that “to bourguignon” is actually a verb? Yes, it means “to make delicious via copious amounts of wine- preferably Burgundy.” You see, coming to SaltySeattle frequently’ll learn you something every time, won’t it?

Here’s the thing. A fair number of us make a Christmas goose. Problem is, goose meat left on the carcass after it’s been grazed over during the grand feast tends to tighten up. Some soften it by coating it in goose fat and jarring it into rillettes, but this year I wanted to do something more inventive with my goose, so I turned to peasants. Peasants are the most inventive sons of bitches you’ll ever meet, creating great delicacies from things like stones, snails, pig’s feet, and civet excrement.

Peasants taught me that simmering meat in a cauldron of wine is never a bad thing, and in return I wish to offer them (and you) this Goose Bourguignon as evidence to support that claim. I do it a little differently than the traditional Escoffier/Julia/Ina method in that the initial goose meat has already been cooked, but guess what? It’s easier this way, shhhh, don’t tell.

Also, I add secret, decidedly un-peasant-like ingredients like Meyer lemon zest (regular zest will do fine), molasses, and verjus. This way you can feel fancy if you want to, because I know how much you like being a fancy dancer in the kitchen.  The molasses and verjus get slathered upon the traditional pearl onions to make them caramelized, sweet and sour.

These onions can be used for many things and are really a recipe unto themselves since they’re basically the only onions I could ever just pop into my mouth whole and lustily enjoy. All you do after you’ve peeled the onions (which I accomplish by cross-topping then blanching to make it easier) is douse them in a bit of molasses and verjus. They merely sauté until the liquid turns to caramel syrup and coats the onions, et voila. In case you are unfamiliar with the ingredient, verjus is an acidic juice made from unripe grapes and can be used in place of vinegar to remarkable effect. Bonny Doon Vineyards makes a very nice domestic verjus, should you find yourself in the market.

The other great thing about Goose Bourguignon is that you get to light it on fire. I NEVER miss the chance to light something on fire, as the cabinets above my stove will attest. It’s also a “one for the pot, one for me” kind of dish, since it has both wine and cognac in it, but you don’t actually use the whole bottle of either.

I mean, it would be a shame to let all that good booze go to waste, right? Don’t worry though, if you’re pregnant, all the liquor burns off in the sauce and you can save those remaining nips in the bottle for the next time you invite me over. Which better be when you’re making this Goose Bourguignon.

Goose Bourguignon

Serves 8

• Goose meat picked from 1 leftover goose carcass
• ½ lb bacon cut into lardons
• 4 medium carrots, chopped
• 2 shallots, chopped
• 1 tbsp salt
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tsp chopped fresh thyme
• ½ c cognac
• 2 c burgundy (other other full-bodied red wine)
• 2 c stock (I use goose stock since I’ve already made it from my goose, but duck or beef stock will do nicely)
• 2 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 tsp grated Meyer lemon zest
• 1 tbsp flour
• 1 tbsp room temperature butter
• 1 recipe Verjus onions (see below)
• Salt and pepper to taste

1. In a dutch oven, fry the bacon until it’s crisp. Remove it to a towel-lined plate and reserve. Add the carrots, onions and salt and sauté until crisp tender, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and thyme and stir for one minute.
2. Being mindful of your proximity, add the cognac to the rear of the pot (tilting slightly if necessary) and light it on fire. Allow the flames to subside and add the wine, stock, tomato paste, lemon zest, and goose meat.  Stir to combine, then simmer uncovered over a very low flame for half an hour.
3. Mix the butter and the flour into a beurre manie and whisk into the Bourguignon. Add the Verjus onions. Cook for an additional five minutes while the sauce thickens. Adjust seasonings with salt and pepper. Serve over gnocchi ( I used beet gnocchi here), noodles, or potatoes.

Verjus Onions

• 20-30 pearl onions, peeled (to peel, cross-top, blanch, let cool, and pop onions from skins)
• ½ c Verjus
• 2 tbsp molasses

1. 1. In a small sauté pan, combine the onions, verjus and molasses. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the sauce thickens and caramelizes around the onions. Remove from heat and reserve.

In the kitchen with my sous chef, Bentley Danger, age 2

For two weeks I’ve been staring at these words: what defines you as a food blogger and why should you be the next food blog star? I’ve tried staring at the words at 6 am whilst catching the sunrise and slamming back a glass of freshly-juiced Chioggia beets. I’ve tried making sense of the words at midnight, port-goggles in full effect. I’ve allowed the words to ruminate in my head during long jogs by the lake. Today, finally, I decided to use the Dictaphone feature on the iPhone and answer the question in different ways out loud while driving from Pike Place Market (for leeks, bresaola & duck eggs) to my favorite butcher shop (for a rabbit) to a baking supply (for molecular gastronomy chemicals) to an art supply (for an X-acto knife and acetate- yes, for use in the kitchen).

Here are a few of the things worth painfully transcribing from my dictations (I feel like a Mad Men secretary right now- someone get me bourbon and a bullet bra- stat!).

Mad Men Birthday, Draper-Style (image links to post)

I’ve been asking myself who I am for 32 years. The answer to that question remains ephemeral. Right now, I’m a mother, wife, eater, cook, former expat and desperate-misser of La Bella Italia, creative writing graduate who hates to be defined by the word “creative,” molecular gastronomist-in-training, early-adopter of cooking en sous vide, former Stiletto Ninja who swapped nun chucks for an apron to become the Foodie Fashionista.

Stiletto Ninja, day before her wedding in Rapallo, Italy transitions to Foodie Fashionista

I make bacon at home, cure meat, make salt from scratch, extrude bucatini, and use syringes and pipettes in my kitchen. In the words of the (in)famous folks over at ShutUp Foodies, I am a “kitschy madwoman.”

Freshly-Extruded Pasta

A year ago I loved my life, my child, my cuisine, and my husband, but I knew there was something missing.  I started a food blog. Now, I am a food blogger, part of a community of food bloggers. Within the last year, I have had the opportunity to communicate with and in many cases meet IRL some of the most talented people on the continent. I also learned that IRL means In Real Life, LOL means Laugh Out Loud, and (learned the hard way) that NSFW means Not Safe For Work. I dislike these acronyms, though I thought I should use one to prove I’m really a part of the digital world.  Food bloggers are the unsung (I know, right?) heroes of modern culture, and it’s time they got their due. They are an opinionated, strong-willed cadre, though they’re quick to support one of their own should the need arise, as was the case with Ivory Hut recently. In some ways, being a food blogger defines me more than the sum total of the other parts, because it is the sum total of the other parts. As with many of you, this is my respite- the place I can 100% say whatever the hell I want to say, and be proud to own those words.

The dish that landed me on MasterChef: Duck Confit 3 Ways (image links to post)

I work really hard at this. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cannot knock out a blog post in an hour like I know some über-talented people can. It takes me many hours of focused work from concept inception to edited completion of every post I gently nestle onto my site. Even after it’s there, I want to rip it down and make a nip here, a tuck there, though I resist that urge. Blogs are like people- more beautiful if left to age naturally. That is not to say they shouldn’t be eating well, getting adequate sleep and exercising along the way, however, hence the good food, days of rest, and frequent practice.

BLT Ice Cream Sandwich (image links to post)

Right now, I’m lingering on every word the culinary mad scientist Grant Achatz (Alinea) utters. A particularly echoing bit of wisdom I recently gleaned from him is this: creativity is primarily the result of hard work and study. I look back on my most-resonant posts- I made a BLT from ice cream, gelato and sorbet, I admitted to the world I was far from perfect given how eviscerated I felt after leaving MasterChef, or when I made a meal for my mother’s 69^th birthday using thoroughly modern cooking techniques like spherification and sous vide- and the uniting thread recurrent in all of them is just what Achatz notes- hard work and study. Any old genius off the street might have come up with the theory of relativity, but it took a hard-working, studied one to actually do it. Since I begrudgingly admit that I have no genius-level proclivities, I must content myself to toil along making mozzarella balloons and poaching duck egg yolks in clarified butter until a really good idea turns into a really good taste, then a really good recipe, and finally- I hope- a really good blog post.

Spherification in action

What I’m saying is that I should be the next food blog star because I’m willing to put in the effort and devotion, but I promise we will have a wild ride together along the way. I’ve only been blogging for just over one year, (crap- went back to look at the date of my first post and I realize I missed my blog-o-versary, damn, damn, must open champagne… there, that’s better) but I’m on my way toward proving I’ve got what it takes to stick around like a splatter of Bolognese on a white Valentino shirt. I look at these challenges as a way to test my mettle. I look at Project Food Blog as a way for Foodbuzz to nurture one of us (relative) newbies toward the status of full-blown Bloggin’ Gaga. That’s right, the victor of Project Food Blog deserves the accolades and fame (in the blogosphere at least) of the Great Gaga because s/he squeezed a lot of lemons, minced a ton of shallots and pureed a passel of potatoes to get there.  I promise, if it’s me, I’ll wear a meat dress to accept my crown.  (There’s a crown, right?)

This is how crazy I go on Halloween. See, I'll wear a meat dress, no problem.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to have written this post regardless of the outcome of this challenge because it’s given me a platform to say some things I’ve been meaning to say for awhile to all my lovely readers.  Every day something new happens that humbles me in the face of all your greatness, generosity and underlying human spirit.  All of you have helped immeasurably to make the last year one of the best I’ve ever lived, so grazie mille. (Now look at me- big ol’ tears are inching down my cheeks- must be that champagne you made me open!)  I’m just a girl teetering in topsy turvy heels on the precipice of something positively cavernous, and I desperately want for you all to jump in with me.